Feminine vs. masculine approach to changing habits

Note: When I refer to a masculine vs. feminine approach, I am not talking about gender.  Both men and women have masculine and feminine elements. So throughout this blog, focus on the qualities of a “feminine” approach vs. “masculine”  instead of which gender portrays those behaviors.

When we think about changing our eating habits or trying to adopt a new behavior that has been tough for us to sustain in the past, the words “discipline” and “will power” often get tossed around.  We think of Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser yelling at people to work harder and faster to get what they want.  

We see ourselves taking a “white knuckle” approach to avoid temptations. 

In fact, our culture as a whole tends to value more masculine tendencies, specifically the 4 D’s: Drive, Determination, Data and Discipline.

Make no mistake.  None of these qualities are bad. 

In fact, I often use many of these qualities in other areas of my life.  And they do work, sometimes, but often not for long. After all, when you’re forcing yourself to do anything, natural rebellion can kick in, life can get in the way and then you’re back at square one.

When it comes to making long-term and sustainable shifts in our health and well-being, including exercise, balanced eating, weight loss - the more feminine aspects of ourselves, including receiving, pleasure, intuition and nurturing can sometimes be perceived as not equally valuable; (i.e nice to do but won’t get you anywhere).

Moreover, because the challenges we face and the remedies we’ve sought in the past have failed, we feel apprehensive about taking a softer, or more gentle approach. 

• Maybe we fear that unless we force ourselves it won’t work.

• Maybe we feel we deserve to push and go hard because we can’t trust ourselves to do otherwise.

• Maybe we’re feeling so hopeless and depressed about the situation that we take the go-hard or go-home approach. (aka, black-and-white thinking and being).

Here are some ways you know you’re taking a “Masculine Approach”.

You count calories and have spreadsheets marking your progress.

You use fitbits and other devices that give you empirical data and readouts.

You use discipline and will power to avoid behaviors you deem as bad or unhealthy.

You go hard at the gym, every day with no excuses.

Again, none of these are bad!  I have done every single one of these things with success.

But, the go-hard or go-home approach often only lasted for so long for me and was so steeped in so much anxiety that I was disoriented and felt bad about myself.

Let’s juxtapose this with a more “Feminine” model to changing habits.

Here are some ways you know you’re taking a more “Feminine approach”.

You nurture yourself and create self-care habits. 

You don’t need or use external measures (scale, My Fitness Pal, spreadsheets) to know you are making progress.

You are forgiving and flexible when life gets in the way, yet keep moving towards your goal.

You listen to your body to find out what it needs on a moment-to-moment basis and course-correct when necessary.

You use your intuition in addition to data to make decisions.

The differences are subtle, but for me has made all the difference in making healthy eating and exercise a life-long journey instead of a stop-and-start approach which only made me more anxious, feel like a failure and 

Shifting at times to the more feminine approach can be challenging.  It’s not as accepted and respected. It can feel too ”woo-woo” or fluffy.  But, in my 17 years of coaching experience working in the field of weight loss, psychology and education, I’ve found that those who dip their toe into the feminine waters feel more in control, more successful and have more lasting results.

It’s certainly worth experimenting with.

Here’s how you can start.

Mindset work is a key foundation in my Eating Empowerment Method.  Learn more about this empowered eating essential and 3 others by watching my free online class, 

The Empowered Eating Method:

End Food Obsession, Eat Mindfully & Find your "feel like myself again" weight

In this 60-minute Masterclass you’ll learn: 

+ the one piece of information that diet experts will not tell you about weight loss

+ how to eat mindfully and intuitively to stop obsessing and worrying about food all the time    

+ the secrets to regulating your hunger hormones to know instinctively when you're full and stop eating when you're satisfied.

 

So be sure to nab a space, stock up on your fave snacks and have a plentiful supply of coffee! It’s going to be epic!

And stay tuned next week for the # 4 mindset shift around your body image…...