When you feel guilty about not treating your body better
It makes no sense intellectually: why would we do things, sometimes over and over again, when we know it either harms us in the long term or in the moment, and makes our bodies feel crappy?
Example:
Taking a nap instead of a 10-15 minute walk when you’re tired. I KNOW I will feel better going for a walk when I feel a slump during the day, but sometimes I still choose the nap! Why?
OR
Eating that slice of pizza even though you know it gives you a stomachache an hour later
OR
Worrying about getting diabetes or heart disease based on your current health behaviors and trajectory, but not being able to do anything different in spite of that knowledge.
If you understand evolutionary human nature it becomes clearer why.
#1 - Human beings are designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
So, when given a choice to find comfort or pleasure in the moment, we will do it even if it means there is an abstract chance of it later causing harm. The fact that it might not be immediately harmful makes it easier to rationalize. After all, maybe things will be different this time!
#2 - It’s easier for us to avoid tough things than to confront them.
Psychologically speaking, we carry a lot around with us: the wounds of our childhood, the traumas we’ve experienced in our lives, and our current environment can compound those stressors and leftover wounds making them fester. We can be in a chronic state of stress. When we feel overwhelmed by the things around us as well, we can essentially just check out. It’s easier to avoid big tasks like getting healthier, than confronting them because it means that we might have to make changes that we feel are impossible.
That alone might be why you opt for the nap instead of a walk. (although sometimes self-care means taking the nap instead! The beauty of staying aware, focused and curious means you can more clearly feel and see the difference between a case of the “I don’t want to’s” versus clear burn out")
#3 - Stress and distraction will make it harder to make the choices that will serve you both now and in the future.
So we have all of this internal stress and external stressors that pummel us day in and day out. We can’t access the parasympathetic state of our nervous system because we’re living on the fumes of stress chemistry. For some people, this heightened state can feel familiar and safe even if it’s detrimental to our health. Many of my clients lament to me after our work together that they didn’t even realize how long they tolerated feeling crappy until they got a taste of what it's like to feel better.
When we make choices from a stress or fear response, it’s almost always going to be a choice that gives you pleasure or comfort in the moment. When you can calm the nervous system and retrain the brain, you start to make choices that serve you both now AND in the future. This can only happen if we learn to turn off the fight-or-flight response and be able to access our prefrontal cortex where rational and long-term thinking skills reside.
In an article I wrote a few weeks ago, I talk about specific steps that you can start to take now and every day to help you release chronic stress so that you can more easily take steps to manage your health in other ways. It’s all about getting chill and relaxed. I know, easier said than done.
I understand feeling guilty about not making better health choices. But please remember, each of us is on a path to learn about ourselves and to see over time what our current bodies need. It’s about listening to understand your body better, taking small, consistent actions towards loving, compassionate choices and even letting go of shame and judgement when we have setbacks, because ... let me save you the element of surprise ... you’re going to have setbacks!
The most important thing I have found that helps my clients when they are feeling both awful physically and ashamed emotionally, at what they are or are not doing, to maintain health is this…
Dust yourself off, forgive yourself, and then make a plan for the next best thing you can do. The best way to move from regret to triumph is to take action, any small action to confront, rather than avoid what happened and move forward. That could mean:
Taking a walk in the woods
Having a healthy snack
Meditating
Journaling what happened and what you could do next time instead
We get enough judgement and condescension from the dieting industry. We don’t need to give it to ourselves as well. Resist the urge to get in a story about it, about how this keeps happening and move into taking small actions.
I promise you that you’ll feel better and it will immediately get you out of the typical mindset that it’s “all or nothing” and that since you “screwed up” you’re back at ground zero.
Not true.
Learn more about eating psychology, mindset culinary nutrition and how I can support YOU in becoming a calm, confident and empowered eater today.